Updates

Judging by the amount of people asking me to post a new blog, it has come to my attention that some of you may have in fact become dependent on a regular intake of bemusedness. Though I am not one to support unhealthy addictions, I have realized after much consideration that it would be callous and insensitive of me to blame you for so tempting a practice. So, for all of you die hards who have endured back alleys and shady dealers of second-hand prose in the absence of my more refined brand of intoxicating reading, here is an update on Life, the Universe, and Everything. (Beg your pardon my dear Douglas, may I call you Dougy? If I were you, and if the me that was you were alive, I would be flattered...)
The opening scene of the riveting drama that is my life reveals a young, dashingly handsome man struggling (quite dashingly) to maintain his sanity in the midst of a world of appearances and superficiality.
Enter: roommate (he's baaaack yknow you missed him). Armed with a deadly arsenal of delightfully hideous yellow-orange hair, a blow dryer from hell and a loud guttural foreign language, the roommate, forthwith to be known as Josh'sBane, steadily and successfully manages to drive our protagonist to (dashingly) contemplate homicide in a plethora of creative and somewhat comical ways.
The very first method in which I considered taking up the beetlejuicien profession of bio-exorcism was in regards to Josh'sBane's hair. I can only attribute the fact that I have not considered it to be an independant, self-sustaining entity to the unashamed terror of the significance of that reality and the consequential existence of such a repulsive creature. It is quite petrifying enough that anyone would do such a thing to innocent hair...
Anyway the first and most cherished implementation of my newfound violent disposition would be quite obvious indeed. I would simply light his hair on fire (in quite a dashing manner). This act would not only be an act of justified self defense in terms of avoiding an early stroke, it would in my opinion be doing dear Josh'sBane a favor. After all, dyeing one's hair the color of flames must be a subtle cry for help, and sensitive person that I am, I would take pity on my roommate and his inability to act himself and finish what he so clearly started. Please hold your applause at my kindness, I fear it may inflate my ego and shatter the humility I so tenaciously cling to...
(Disclaimer- We do not in fact have any desire whatsoever to light Josh'sBane, We mean our roommate's, hair on fire or cause him any kind of bodily harm. Any threats on his person made by us should be taken as the bizarre and twisted ravings of a frustrated yet dashing genius and not sincere plans for murder (or arson), despite their obvious cleverness. Thank you for your understanding, and for allowing our use of the royal we.)