An Ode to Hope

Ive never been much of a whiner, though im not sure thats exactly a virtue as the only thing preventing me from connecting more fully to my Jewish stereotypical heritage is laziness in its purest form. To my credit, I am good natured enough to put up with the large amounts of lemons that life throws at me, and the subsequent bruises. (You try escaping unscathed from a barrage of lemons). However, there are some things in life that perturb me, to say the least, and after all, I have yet to tap into the "rant" segment of my presentation...If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is hope. Hope is in fact my nemesis in life. (Coming from a self proclaimed and publicy validated hopeless romantic, my previous statement may have come as a surprise to some of you. If it did, you obviously havnt read any of my other posts, 'cause I am easily one of the most jaded people you will ever encounter). Anyway (a thousand apologies, I am a parenthetical writer if nothing else), hope is one of the few things that truly gets under my proverbial skin. Before the optimists and other obnoxious people of the world unite and rise up against the bergouisse of my controversial yet delightfully witty prose, let me explain. Hope, in an incredibly cynical and fatalistic though unfortunately true light, leads invariably to dissapointment. Shut up optimists and let me finish. Dont misinterpret this post as gloomy. On the contrary, I assure you there is quite a cheerful, devilish grin on my bemusedly ranting face, and a merry twinkle in my bemusedly ranting eyes. What im trying to say is that hope is an exercise in futility. For example, I had hoped for a roommate who would be like a brother to me, a best friend who steered clear of metrosexuality with the same vehimence as myself, and who did not make strange high pitched noises in his sleep. I was let down. My hopes were shattered again and again with each unearthly squeak that escaped that blowdried head of his, the jagged pieces cutting deep into my heart. Needless to say, I found it difficult to sleep. Touche, hope...